To my ray of sunshine,
The likelihood (and my hope) is that you’ll never read this, mainly because I’m too scared to find out what you would say. Also if I ever thought you could read this without making it something bigger than it is, I would show it to you, but I don’t think you can. (Remember chocolate is just chocolate, it’s not a bribe, a trap, or a marriage proposal, and neither is this).
So why I am I writing it? Well, because I think it’s nice to write nice things about nice people. So there. Also if ever there was a person that deserved positive thoughts about them put into the world, it’s you.
By the way, If I can manage to make this even semi-coherent (which isn’t working so far), then I’ll applaud myself, but I really doubt I will, so I apologise in advance.
So here goes...
All I really wanted to say (in an extremely roundabout way) is, Thank You.
Thank you for being the one of the very few people that can make me smile even on my darkest days, which of late, are many.
The world is full of people who can influence and change your life for the better, if you’d only allow them. Full of words of wisdom, they didn’t even realise the owned, but if you listen close enough, it’s there. I encounter these people every day, and I like to think that I have something to learn from everybody. That if never met that person, never had that conversation, never shared that moment, then I would not be who I am today (be it good or bad).
You probably didn’t realise you were doing it, but had I not known you, my life at the moment would be very different. The past couple years have changed me, sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worse, but mostly your unintentional input has been for the better. The specifics are best left to the wind, or perhaps another time, another conversation, but just know that they are many.
I have to admit, I didn’t notice you at first, but then you just started to appear more and more. Your easy way, quick wit and charming smile were disarming, and I began to wonder how it took me so long to see you. You have this wonderful way of making me feel like I am the only one in the room, as if you go out of your way to say hi, to spread happiness in any way possible. You are the definition of a ray of sunshine, because you never fail to brighten up my day. Whether you act like that around everyone, or just me, I’ll never know, but frankly I don’t care. I appreciate it nonetheless.
Don’t get me wrong, this isn’t to say that I think you’re perfect, because I don’t, but I say that knowing that no one is.
It is strange that someone I know so little about can have such an effect on me. I pride myself on being an incredibly good judge of character, though it might not make sense to most, I’m usually right. So in that respect, I feel like I do know you and yet if I’m really honest with myself, you are a stranger to me. Part of me wants to get to know you better and the other part doesn’t. Afraid that you might fall off the pedestal that I have put you on.
Unsteadiness has already crept in tin the fact that It does irritate me that you think I’m incredibly stupid (not that you’ve ever said that), but I don’t blame you. It’s pretty much my own fault. If I could manage to form a coherent sentence, never mind a conversation in your presence, then you might be afforded the chance to think of me in a better light. If I could manage to keep my brain turned on when you come near me, so that I don’t sound like a bumbling idiot all the time, then that might help the situation, but alas it is not to be... *cue dramatic swoon*.
Hey, you. Just so you know, I may be waxing lyrical at the moment, but don’t ever think that I’ll be able to say these things to in person. I’d rather hide in dark hole, cut off from the entire world, than have to admit all of this to you. It’s nothing personal. I am incurably incapable of saying my true feelings out loud. That’s not to say that I don’t think the world of you, in case you hadn’t guessed already.
I could talk for hours, but I’m sure I’ve already bored you, so I’ll finish now.
Shine on, sunshine and thank you for allowing me to know you.
Yours,
J
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